Sometimes the Greatest Heroes are found in the most Docile...

I happened to remember this incident that happened some years back but it is the greatest examples of valour that i've ever come across. Even greater than those of battlefields perhaps. My mom happens to be a school teacher. So a parent happened to be visiting us on diwali few years ago. He didn't bring the usual gifts with him that usually parents do when they visit my mom. My mom turns them with a sweet thanks that's another story (over which i crib a lot... "its just a gift na"). This man had come to discuss about his child's poor performance. He had three kids. The youngest in kinder garden was not performing well if i remember correctly.

Nothing apart from this was very extraordinary with the man. He was wearing simple and humble clothes. Nothing branded, nothing gaudy. A simple brown trouser, a checked shirt, very tidy, black shoes which seemed quite old. It was clear that the man was not very well to do. Nothing was extraordinary in him, really, except the man himself.

I was making tea for the guest as they started to talk. The man accepted that it was his fault as he was not able to give ample time to the kids and that his wife was sick and so she could not either. As the conversation continued he revealed that his wife had been diagnosed with cancer the year before and was in an advanced stage now. He was a government clerk so dint earn enough to meet the medical and other family expenses. He had even sold off their only house for his wife's treatment. But now is left with nothing so he works as a guard at night after office which gets over at 4. He goes home for a while to cook for his kids and wife and then is off for his night duty. I realized that the man barely gets time to sleep and he does it everyday. He still promised that he'll ask his elder children to take better care of their youngest sibling. My mom also said that she'd help his children by giving them extra time after school hours. He thanked and then left wishing diwali of course.

I do not know what happened to the family. My mother also changed her school after some time. I wonder now that the man had much more valour than many famous people whom we adore. His battle was not simple. I would say extraordinary. His love for his family is remarkable. He's someone who does not only says he loves but fights for his love. Great people... generals who have won lost battles, people who have won freedom, doctors who have made impossible surgeries, teachers who have given classy scholars and scholars who have given out of the world theorems, I would say all of them definitely have a better support base and do obviously get recognition. This man would get neither and yet he's a hero!! But they do have something in common... the determination and courage. I salute thee!

Killing the Killer Instinct

Don't be let down at sad times, don't think God has forsaken you when life is tough, don't think that God will ruin you down to dust, it's just that he's polishing a Gem.

Someone very close to me messaged me once saying this. A thought just hits you sometimes as it did when I first came to know about the removal of examinations for grade 10 in India and the stark relation with the message somehow flashed upon me the perils of this decision. Well, at the onset it a very modern decision, very westernized perhaps... but as i believe that you cannot lift anything and everything from the west and just implant it in India. The conditions are so different here that things don't fit in and eventually the system collapses.

Removal of examination is more like running away from the battleground than facing it. We do not realize that there are tougher times that lie ahead and these sort of hurdles in life are just preparations for those. To that respect its not such a straight forward conclusion to make that it'd do good in the long run. In a developing country like India when there is so much pressure on the system, take for example the applicants to seats ratio for any exam, say the JEE, CAT or IAS; there is no way out of it. You have to face it someday. Be it establishing a business or simply applying for a job at Mc Donalds, there is so much competition that running away now is just hitting yourself with an axe. Why should you weaken yourself.

Besides this, in this country where many times you have teachers who do not have the right knowledge of their subject, teachers who are so stubborn that they don't even listen to you if you have a different point of view, who do not let you question and think out of the box... The entire system of internal assessment will collapse. When there are teachers who ask you to come to private tuition if you can even hope to get some marks from them, in such a scenario the system would be no more transparent than the computer screen you are looking at right now. And then the entire thought just appears lousy and foolish. A centralized marking system at least ensured that you were judged correctly and were at better hands.

However, I agree with the intention, which is one of reduction of pressure from students. It's is mighty true according to me both from experience and information that the amount of knowledge one can gain without pressure is more in terms both quantity and quality. But then there can be other ways to do it. For example, parents should be taught that academics is not the end of life. I mean there is so much more to it and to that end various people have myriad different talents which should be encouraged. The best managers to my mind were never very good students. Then there are musicians, artists, advertisement managers, hotelling industry, consumer durables etc etc etc which requires so much of different talent. I guess that there is just too less information among people. If students could be shown that they can develop their life and career in something they like and is close to their heart then the "pressure" will automatically decrease because the one would enjoy doing what he does. For example if somebody enjoys mathematics and not guitar, ask him to become a guitarist.... I'm sure he'll appear as vulnerable to pressure as anyone else....

The Spirit Of Stephania...

I am at home for the weekend. The weather is fantastic outside as it drizzles, as it has been throughout the day and as the cool breeze enters my room through the window. Its been long since I have been able keep the window open and switch off the AC, but today is different and even the tea in my blue cup tastes different.

Well, The Spirit of Stephania is one of contention rather i would say confusion. With people in out there whose credibility is far more than mine i'd not even try to explain what the Spirit is, I'd rather I provided how I see it. For one thing, the spirit cannot be felt outside the Castle walls of St. Stephen's. Why I call the walls, the walls of a Castle? Well, they are semi-permeable in some sense. A word of caution before I proceed, this post may not be understood by many who read this and specially who have not lived St. Stephen's. (There is no preposition missing between "lived" and "St. Stephen's".)

It took me nearly three years to understand St. Stephen's the way I see it. Unarguably, my graduating from college, moving-out and simultaneously moving-in contributed a lot but the realization was always there in the sub-conscious, built up each day by the Spirit itself. (A cherished quality of the English language is that you need not attach a gender to every single thing.)

I still remember and can actually picture the College Hall on the day of the orientation. 15th of July, 2006 it was, the Delhi summer heat as killing as it always is and the hall was packed with first years. I was too nervous then standing amongst aliens and many who am sure will leave their mark on history. Sharp at 10 did late Dr. Anil Wilson enter and behind him the famous procession of the "Senior Members" as they are called walked up the stage.

I remember rather faintly the exact words Dr. Wilson said but I'll always remember the message he was delivering. I think he said the all of us were standing at a glorious moment in history when a new batch of people were on the brink of becoming Stephanians. Being Stephanian is not being elite and looking down upon others but is elite in rather a different sense, said he. There were to be a spirit that'll bind us all together in the coming years and that would be the Spirit of Stephania. In what follows I'll elucidate the various aspects of College, that should bring out the spirit of the Spirit of Stephania.

Shashi Tharoor recently wrote in a news article that at other places you learn to answer questions. At Stephen's we learnt to question the answers and some of us even went further to question the questions. This is the foundation of college. There are no students and teachers at St. Stephen's but rather junior and senior members and each one of them command an equal respect in their own right and learn from each other. The flow of knowledge has never been uni-directional. You can see members in college sitting with each other in the cafe, the staff room, the dhaba tree at any time during the day. Every time I met my professors, in their houses, cafe or the staff room what followed was a discussion over tea or a lazy night walk outside the muk gate in the dim lights. Such extravagance of knowledge sharing is rare to be found.

I remember approaching my HOD at 8 in the night regarding a problem that was making me restless. He was cooking, so he called me in and we discussed over it in his kitchen. Wonder if this happens anywhere else. I remember having visited a reputed college regarding a paper presentation competition. Now as per the rules no one was supposed to cross question the participants. A senior professor of the same college who happened to be the judge went on to do the same with one team . When the chair tried to intervene, the lady on the chair got scolded because she had interrupted her teacher. Well, such does not happen inside the walls of my fortress, where the chair is always given its due respect, does not matter who sits on the chair. The chair is the chair and judges are judges. I might add that the lady had very cordially said that they should proceed to the next team. Listening to others is also something that is an inseparable quality of being a Stephanian. Every one gets a patient hearing at Stephen's even if you are not a Stephanian. The college through the journals and newsletter it publishes like the kooler talk and SOUL fosters the freedom of speech. Which sometimes contains humour that has to be taken in a lighter mood than normally and that can happen inside Stephen's. Putting up spices in college is a legacy and is always taken in the right spirit. Phrases like "ass-instant deans" and "The Blacksmith Song" could earn you a suspension the like back humour of the senior members resentment anywhere else. The practical joke week is something than can happen only in Stephen's other wise the maurince nagar SHO would have a rather tough time.

There are moments in your three years at Stephen's which are so Stephnian in their own right that describing them to others is not even worth the moment itself, let alone the nostalgia of it. The evenings light up the main corridor with small children of the karamcharies imbibing knowledge from the junior members. The respect that we get in return is invaluable. The college mochi (cobbler) sits still at rudra-gate which has been the unofficially registered property of his ancestors for over a century now. From British leather to the GK-2 jutties and from Gucci to the sarojini chappal his armour has tasted it all. The guy at the property counter at the library is the fourth in his generation doing it.

The mince and chai were invented in the cafe, has survived decades and yet has never gone out (the walls and over-time both). Junior members in Rud north and muk west have never responded to the dinner bell at the dining hall but to the solitary call of the dogs, who also are as much stephanians as anyone else. Because even they have been giving those calls since decades and through generations. Some times they even attend lectures when they feel like or see the classroom empty to provide some audience to the senior member present.

The SSL (Social Service League, the oldest student social service organization in the country) is in a very big sense the largest occupant of the Spirit of Stephania. Service before self has been lived upto by Stephanians over time and always with no one coming to know about it. Be it providing relief after epidemics, quakes or empowering the under-privileged, or the free eye testing and contributing to the country's blood bank, at St. Stephen's all of it is an annual festival.

Waiting for your class in the arched corridors, the moon lit courts when there is no power in college at night, the songs of the bats, warmth in the residence blocks when the winter fog encompasses college, the after dinner discussions with the IDG guests or just even at the traditional stroll, or at the 4p.m. tea, or at the after 10 meetings at the night dhaba or the society meetings at 1.15 sharp (which is always close to blunt), the late night informal debates in rooms which were perhaps once the shelter for the now world leaders are moments that go on to build the aura of college that forms the Spirit.

So elitism in college is not elitism in the worldly sense but becoming elite imbibing the Spirit is an integral part of being a Stephanian. Small activities like switching off lights and helping anyone in need form the core. But being instrumental in whatever you do and doing more for the society thereby is also elitism in the same sense.

At Stephen's there are two religions only, you can either be a "resi" or a "dayski", there is no other discrimination done and yet this distinction is huge. The "resis" traditionally have a tougher "first term" than the dayskis but they do live a more fuller life. The stephanian life beings only after the dayskis leave the castle. Being ragged by seniors to intelligible tunes and also the immense bonding that follows for the next eight terms is both unique and exclusive. The gwyer parathas at night would mean that Stephanians will continue jumping the gate of the principal's residence till eternity.

I still remember the first day when my teacher entered class and everyone stood up to wish him, he jumped back in fear as if facing an attack, and then came the reply, "This is Stephen's, all this does not happen here so chill" and I can assert this on every Stephanian's behalf that this has never lessened our respect and love for our teachers and all of us remain an inseparable entity of college. The block tea's and block drinks, late night discussions, the rather humorous and "naughtier" block tutors convert the hostel to a residence and so Stephen's becomes a home for you.

Memories drive me into deeper nostalgia. Bhaiyyanji will get you food to eat in the cafe not on your order but on how your face is perceived by him. So you get a chai if its written on your face, even if you order a maggi and still you are more than satisfied. Sitting and studying in the Andrew's court and not going to the library corridor post dinner is very dear. Harmony has and will always be exclusive. To those who oppose and want to enter the walls whilst harmony continues, I pose a questions. Answering which correctly will earn you an entry ticket for sure. Where is tree number 420? Or who wrote the Blacksmith song? or who haunts the well behind the chappel or What is so sacred about the Allnut lawns? or What is the difference between red and cambridge red? Trust me these are the simplest questions that you'll face at the quiz in Harmony. To those who are clueless still, Harmony is the annual college festival which is envied by non-stephanians for its exclusivity... but guys, you wont have a clue about what is happening inside unless you are a stephanian.

So I guess it is clear that describing and understanding the spirit is next to impossible unless you have experienced it but the spark of the spirit lives in any soul that is ever a part of St. Stephen's. And the legacy will continue no matter what laws prevail outside St. Stephen's. The feel of college, the aura of walking through the arched corridors, specially when they are haunting at night, the cafe and not the canteen, the dining hall and not the mess, the pleasure of the after 10 culture, the sitting in the Andrew's court post dinner or just lazying around, the relationship between a junior and senior member, the late night studies, gaining more knowledge through crosswords than attending lectures, the never attending 8.40s and missing the routine breakfast, and wazzup of college, and learing all outside the university reading list and the jan-test questions which never match the university questions will always remain ever so elite and exclusive that Stephanian's will always be blamed for being Elite and the Spirit of Stephania wont ever be understood by the world at large will always contribute to making Stephanians elite!!

Is God Around US?

"A child said What is the grass? fetching it to me with full hands;
How could I answer the child? I do not know what it is any more than he.
...
Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrancer designedly dropt,
Bearing the owner's name someway in the corners, that we may see
and remark, and say Whose?"

Whenever I have come across this question that how do we know whether God is there or is around us, I am reminded of these lines by Walt Whitman from his famous work "Song of Myself" wherein he explains this question is numerous ways. My favourite being these lines in which he explains that as in a handkerchief you can find the initials of its owner stitched, the grass on earth is the handkerchief of the Lord, reminding us of his presence and He Himself making his presence felt. The bunches of grass in the child's hands become a symbol of the regeneration in nature.

Personally, His presence I have experienced in many ways... You might call this silly though but I do have to say that the fact that the direction in which my life has moved has been guided by some power as i never had choices. After 12th grade, I was and still am passionate about Computers and always wanted to make a career in that field, but things turned out to be so and I landed up doing Economics at St. Stephen's College. Three years down the line I can say that it was a decision well made. The gifts that St. Stephen's has given me apart from the pleasure of being called a Stephanian are in numerous which am more than sure that no other engineering college could have given me. It also made me realize that somewhere I was never cut out to become an engineer. Computers have myriad different uses and should be used as such thus. St. Stephen's also gave me one of my most favourite and cherished teachers, Mr. Grewal.

In college, seeing my seniors and listening to other success stories and the big buck packages I always wanted to work after college. So began my struggle and efforts every summers to get some internship and all of them went in vain. Came third year, and I sat for the interviews... blame it on the recession ('coz all of them liked my CV), I did not get a job even after reaching to the final round of my dream company. At those moments something strikes you very hard because you have one failure after another and after a point the phrase "dawn after sunset" makes no sense and seems false.

However, I continued in life and came across people who showed me the other picture of the corporate world and I realized that the stress and the politics there is not meant for me. As one of my professors at Stephen's puts it... "Shoumitro you might have the money to buy Golf clubs but you don't have the time to use them..."

Well, that bent me a lot towards academics. And after graduation so I wanted to do MA. I took many entrances and ended up only at the Delhi School of Economics. Not that I was all that bad, I knew that but still I did not manage at any other place... And at one point I was in the same situation as I was after class 12. That had I not got into the Delhi School it'd have been a waste of one whole year. But that's how i guess God has channelized my life. So from hereon, I guess... it's best to leave everything unto Him and try doin' the best in whatever comes my way... I hope that the next two years would be as rocking as the past three and at the end of these to am equally proud and happy!!

Some events have no logic.

In a terrorist attack, why do some people get hit while others don't? Why does some kid get admission in one school and the other lad does not... an event which might shape up their lives differently. Why do people loose their loved ones in some ugly natural disaster... people and families who may become ruined and were hard working, the staunchest believers in God and followed His teachings in the closest manner they could. Why should a divorce between a couple leave a child without the parental love and care which should almost be guaranteed, what is the mistake of the child in all this? Why do some people are more successful than others?

Such and other questions have always ignited my thoughts and never have i been able to reach a peaceful conclusion. When we say that God is there to do justice why do we see so much injustice around us. All of us in our lives do come across events which are un-explainable. Sometimes, we tend to take refuge in beliefs such as "God has His strange ways of doing things!" or "People are being punished for their past deeds." or "God is taking away something to leave your hand empty so that you can receive something better." Sure there will be stories of the fulfillment of them but it is also true that this earth is full of tragedies absolutely unexplained. In our hearts we know that somewhere justice was not done. Is our Father in heaven so beyond us? As I write all this, I would confess that I am a very religious believer in God and I have Faith justice is eventually done, but I know about real-life stories around us where good people, real-good people weren't happy even to their death. So there remain questions which are truly beyond mortal comprehension. Or should we just believe that some events in life are truly random like the Brownian Motion and as Einstein believed that in equilibrium everything is absolutely random. So to say that as the world... from the Big bang moves towards equilibrium... somethings shall remain UNEXPLAINED!!!